{"id":5548,"date":"2025-09-18T19:19:44","date_gmt":"2025-09-18T19:19:44","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/deliberativecitizenship.org\/?p=5548"},"modified":"2025-10-20T16:29:29","modified_gmt":"2025-10-20T16:29:29","slug":"can-friendship-cross-the-aisle-a-college-students-take","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/deliberativecitizenship.org\/fellows\/can-friendship-cross-the-aisle-a-college-students-take\/","title":{"rendered":"Can Friendship Cross the Aisle? A College Student\u2019s Take"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Grace Zagoria (DCI Fellow \u201927)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Walking out of American Politics last semester, two friends and I got into a debate: Can you be friends with someone across the aisle? Let\u2019s call these friends Alice and Corinna. The conversation started when I mentioned a friend of mine\u2014we\u2019ll call her Gabriela. \u201cWait,\u201d Corinna said. \u201cIsn\u2019t she a Trump supporter?\u201d I paused, caught off guard. I knew for a fact that Gabriela wasn\u2019t, but I also didn\u2019t see why that should determine the validity of our friendship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNo, she\u2019s not,\u201d I said.  \u201cBut her friends are,\u201d they insisted. \u201cHelena and Nicole? Aren\u2019t they in YAF?\u201d \u201cYeah, they are,\u201d I admitted. \u201cBut what does that matter?\u201d Alice shook her head. \u201cI just don\u2019t think I\u2019d want to be friends with someone who voted for Trump.\u201d Corinna added, \u201cYeah, I couldn\u2019t be close with someone who doesn\u2019t believe in my right to exist. I mean, don\u2019t they think all gay people are going to burn in hell?\u201d And just like that, the debate took off.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fast forward to the next weekend. It was a gorgeous, 70-degree North Carolina spring day, and Davidson\u2019s best and brightest gathered among weathered picnic tables just outside Summit Coffee Outpost\u2014\u201cNummit,\u201d by Davidson slang\u2014to enjoy the light and the Fleetwood Mac blasting from the Kappa Sigma porch. I imagine that when people look back fondly on their college years, they picture moments like these.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I was sitting at a table with Alice, Corinna, and a few other friends, discussing our plans for the fall semester. Alice would be off to Madrid, Corinna to Sydney, and I\u2019d be off to Buenos Aires. In an instant, Gabriela appeared in the corner of my eye, her blonde curls flickering in the sun. She waved me over to her table, where she sat with Helena and Nicole. I headed over.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The four of us chatted about our weekends, and Helena invited me to a party she was hosting later that evening. Our conversation covered the usual topics college students discuss when they don\u2019t know each other very well\u2014our majors, our summer plans, our goals for the future. Helena, I asked, what are you planning on doing after graduation in May? \u201cI\u2019m moving to D.C.,\u201d she replied promptly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOh, awesome!\u201d I responded, relieved that I didn\u2019t have to ask any follow-up questions about what she\u2019d be doing there or who she was working for. I already knew the answer, but I didn\u2019t want to confirm it then and there. Best to keep it simple, I figured. Our conversation moved on to what we did over spring break. I breathed a sigh of relief.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here\u2019s the big question for me, though. Am I being hypocritical by avoiding political topics with that group of friends? If I\u2019ve preached to Corinna and Alice that you can be friends with people across the aisle, why am I actively avoiding the subject with Gabriela and company?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Today, American society is more polarized than ever. Surveys have shown that Americans\u2019 animosity toward the opposing political party is higher than it has been in decades, geographic political segregation has increased over the past 10 years,[1]<\/sup><\/a> and 4 in 10 Americans would be upset if their child married someone from the opposite political party.[2]<\/sup><\/a> It should come as no surprise that nearly 80% of Americans now have “just a few” or no friends at all across the aisle, according to research by Pew.[3]<\/sup><\/a> For the remaining 20%, or for the few Americans who do have friends with opposing political viewpoints, what is the line between friendship and ideological differences? Should there be a line at all?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My perspective is that such friendships are crucial in helping repair a social fabric that has been worn down and torn up by complex political questions. On a very basic level, I believe we should treat everyone around us with kindness and compassion, regardless of how different we are\u2014whether those differences are political or not. If you consider all your friends, I\u2019m sure you don\u2019t agree with them on every issue under the sun, but that does not mean you cannot engage with them, or that you shouldn\u2019t discuss your conflicting opinions. While political issues can be incredibly divisive, I would argue that you can have civil discussions with friends despite contrasting views. By that logic, my avoidance tactic with Gabriela, Helena, and Nicole was a cop-out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That said, I do think there is a significant difference between forcing friendships with those who have contrasting ideological backgrounds and letting relationships form naturally. In other words, friendships should begin organically, and only then should political complications be approached with earnestness, understanding, and a desire to learn. From my standpoint, cutting people off without giving them a chance to make an impression on you or explain their point of view is an injustice\u2014to them and to you. There is more to a person than just their political beliefs, and, in any case, I would reason that the best way to win an argument is to understand the other side.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Opinions expressed on the DCI Blog are solely those of the author and do not necessarily represent the official views or positions of the Deliberative Citizenship Initiative.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

[1]<\/sup><\/a> https:\/\/www.nytimes.com\/interactive\/2021\/04\/30\/opinion\/politics\/bubble-politics.html<\/p>\n\n\n\n

[2]<\/sup><\/a> https:\/\/www.npr.org\/2022\/08\/13\/1117232857\/americans-have-increasingly-negative-views-of-those-in-the-other-political-party<\/p>\n\n\n\n

[3]<\/sup><\/a> https:\/\/www.npr.org\/2020\/10\/27\/928209548\/dude-i-m-done-when-politics-tears-families-and-friendships-apart<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Grace Zagoria (DCI Fellow \u201927) Walking out of American Politics last semester, two friends and I got into a debate: Can you be friends with someone across the aisle? Let\u2019s call these friends Alice and Corinna. The conversation started when I mentioned a friend of mine\u2014we\u2019ll call her Gabriela. \u201cWait,\u201d Corinna said. \u201cIsn\u2019t she a […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1226,"featured_media":5550,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[27],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5548","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-fellows","entry"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/deliberativecitizenship.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/09\/Screenshot-2025-09-18-at-3.17.32-PM.png","rttpg_featured_image_url":{"full":["https:\/\/deliberativecitizenship.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/09\/Screenshot-2025-09-18-at-3.17.32-PM.png",1480,1456,false],"landscape":["https:\/\/deliberativecitizenship.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/09\/Screenshot-2025-09-18-at-3.17.32-PM.png",1480,1456,false],"portraits":["https:\/\/deliberativecitizenship.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/09\/Screenshot-2025-09-18-at-3.17.32-PM.png",1480,1456,false],"thumbnail":["https:\/\/deliberativecitizenship.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/09\/Screenshot-2025-09-18-at-3.17.32-PM-180x180.png",180,180,true],"medium":["https:\/\/deliberativecitizenship.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/09\/Screenshot-2025-09-18-at-3.17.32-PM-300x295.png",300,295,true],"large":["https:\/\/deliberativecitizenship.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/09\/Screenshot-2025-09-18-at-3.17.32-PM-1024x1007.png",1024,1007,true],"1536x1536":["https:\/\/deliberativecitizenship.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/09\/Screenshot-2025-09-18-at-3.17.32-PM.png",1480,1456,false],"2048x2048":["https:\/\/deliberativecitizenship.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/09\/Screenshot-2025-09-18-at-3.17.32-PM.png",1480,1456,false],"mini-thumbnail":["https:\/\/deliberativecitizenship.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/09\/Screenshot-2025-09-18-at-3.17.32-PM-75x75.png",75,75,true],"team-member":["https:\/\/deliberativecitizenship.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/09\/Screenshot-2025-09-18-at-3.17.32-PM-600x600.png",600,600,true]},"rttpg_author":{"display_name":"Grace Zagoria","author_link":"https:\/\/deliberativecitizenship.org\/author\/grace_z\/"},"rttpg_comment":0,"rttpg_category":"Fellow Posts<\/a>","rttpg_excerpt":"Grace Zagoria (DCI Fellow \u201927) Walking out of American Politics last semester, two friends and I got into a debate: Can you be friends with someone across the aisle? Let\u2019s call these friends Alice and Corinna. The conversation started when I mentioned a friend of mine\u2014we\u2019ll call her Gabriela. \u201cWait,\u201d Corinna said. \u201cIsn\u2019t she a…","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/deliberativecitizenship.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5548","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/deliberativecitizenship.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/deliberativecitizenship.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/deliberativecitizenship.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1226"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/deliberativecitizenship.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5548"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/deliberativecitizenship.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5548\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5681,"href":"https:\/\/deliberativecitizenship.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5548\/revisions\/5681"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/deliberativecitizenship.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5550"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/deliberativecitizenship.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5548"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/deliberativecitizenship.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5548"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/deliberativecitizenship.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5548"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}