{"id":1016,"date":"2020-12-03T15:50:34","date_gmt":"2020-12-03T15:50:34","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/deliberativecitizenship.org\/?p=1016"},"modified":"2023-11-21T17:19:31","modified_gmt":"2023-11-21T17:19:31","slug":"deliberation-and-the-holidays-deck-the-halls-not-your-uncle","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/deliberativecitizenship.org\/blogposts\/deliberation-and-the-holidays-deck-the-halls-not-your-uncle\/","title":{"rendered":"Deliberation and the Holidays: Deck the Halls Not Your Uncle"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"Holiday<\/figure>\n\n\n

By Dalton Langdon, DCI Fellow<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The holidays are a time for gathering and spending time with loved ones. For many, the process of going home around the holidays is not always seen as a joyous occasion, but one of contention and argument \u2013 especially during an election year. If you are anything like me, you\u2019ve probably thought long and hard about what you might say to your family this year about the current political atmosphere. You may have even practiced what you are going to say, fact checked yourself, or geared yourself up like you\u2019re going to take the stage for debate. I am here to say there is an alternative approach to discussing politics with family\u2026the path of deliberative conversation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Through the Deliberative Citizenship Initiative, I have learned a few different skills I would like to share with you now to help ease you through the holiday season. However, before we lean into these skills, I want to first dissuade you of the notion that swearing off politics altogether is the key to a quiet, stress-free holiday break. While many think avoiding the topic of politics is the smartest move to avoid conflict, I respectfully disagree. By avoiding these difficult conversations, we allow feelings of resentment to fester and grow, until finally they are unleashed in a whirlwind of barbarous insults. Instead of playing the proverbial ostrich with our heads in the sand, I instead suggest we all consider using the following framework when having our next contentious political conversation: 1) set the stage and expectations, 2) listen with strength, 3) ask probing questions, 4) find common ground, and 5) show grace.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Set the Stage and Expectations<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Before engaging with a relative this holiday season on a controversial topic, first ask yourself \u201cwhat do I hope to gain from this conversation and what is my intent?\u201d The objective of having an informal and unstructured conversation should not be to change the other person\u2019s mind or win<\/u><\/em> the conversation, but to gain perspective. Set this expectation early and make your intention well known. Disagreement will happen, that is natural; productive deliberations depend on how you react and your willingness to understand the other person\u2019s point of view.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Listen with Strength<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Listening with strength is all about active listening without judgement. While this sounds like an easy process \u2013 it does not come as intuitively as one may think. Typically speaking, we give a person about a quarter of our attention while devoting the rest of our attention to formulating a response. Active listening means giving the person your undivided attention and listening to understand them. This takes practice and can be accomplished by rephrasing what your conversation partner said previously – this way they know you are in fact hearing them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ask Probing Questions<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Asking probing questions is just as important as actively listening. Asking follow-up or clarifying questions can showcase you are invested in learning more about the person\u2019s perspective. To get at this deeper level of understanding, try asking the five Ws:<\/p>\n\n\n\n